Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Hard Lesson Learned

Sometimes victory looks different than crossing the finish line.  There are times in which success is not measured by the number of minutes completed or even the distance achieved.  While I have spent the last 3 or so weeks training my physical body, today was a lesson of training the mind.

I have a set workout schedule where each day is mapped out with details such as resistance and incline levels, as well as amount of time needed to complete the task.  I am also a list person with a dozen to do lists on my phone even.  I enjoy crossing things off when completed, I appreciate the confidence and sense of accomplishment I feel when meeting those goals.  Today, I did not meet my goal.  And I walked away with my head down low and my heart grieved with disappointment.

It seemed as though I had failed, I had missed the mark of what I expected of myself.  I was mad that my hip was hurting so much and I just watched my dream fade away.  Come to think of it, what sillinesss.  Would my dream really slip away by only doing 45 minutes instead of 60?  Was I really a complete failure because I ddin't push through this one time?  After some real talk, prayer, and thinking...I found the answers I needed.

The truth is that I am not a failure.  I am not defined by what I accomplish or don't accomplish.  My identity is not the goals with which I set for myself.  And no, my dreams are not acomplished overnight.  But it's a journey, a process...come to think of it, a slow fade.  A slow fade from the foggy lies in which I sometimes vacation to the clear reality that I am learning to walk in.  A world of possiblities, a season of grace, and a promise from God of great plans for me and my future.  Oh it's a hard lesson to learn, but one of infinite value as I continue to cling to my Father's hand...even when my head doesn't know what I'm doing.

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