Fierce Battle

Today was just one of those days, a fierce battle in every way.  After a long day at the office with an uphill climb and a desk buried with overwhelming clutter and to-do lists, it was time to go hit up the gym.  The first thing I wanted to do?  Go home and call it a day early.  The last thing I wanted to do?  Lace up my shoes and hit up 45 minutes on the elliptical.   Nonetheless, there was a greater strength through Jesus at work within me, contrary to my own stubborn self.

I thought that today would be the best workout yet, ready to run off some steam and clear my mind.  Interestingly enough, it was my toughest day...and not necessarily in the physical. realm.  After all, on Saturday I went for 55 minutes with a resistance of 8.  Today?  Only 45 minutes with a resistance of 7.  My sides began to ache and my stomach hurt, eventually forcing me out of my cicular sway and into the restroom as I lost what little I had in me.  Determined to not quit, I hopped back on and continued and realized that today, in this moment, I was in a fierce battle.

I began to think about those words and what that has meant for me in my life.  To have stay clean and not pick up another joint for almost 4 years now, that has been a fierce battle.  To let go of the nicotine that had been my friend and companion for so many years, that was a fierce battle.  To pray for and bless ones that have betrayed me to my face, that has been a fierce battle.  And today, to keep going after getting sick and having just one of those days, that was a fierce battle.  When I think about 173 and what that looks like, I am disgusted and discouraged.  And then it hit me, something that has stirred within my spirit.

We all face battles in our lives, day in and day out.  Some of them physical, others emotional, and most of all spiritually too.  And it seems as though when the war rages on and the battle is the fiercest, just when you have not one iota of anything left to give, you reach a peak...a moment suspended in time.  One can quickly lose any and all momentum, thus swinging backwards on the pendulum of broken dreams.  Or one can grasp more tightly, pray more fervently, and hold fast just a bit longer...for just on the other side is the breakthrough you've been waiting for.  Today, I held out for my breakthrough.  And tomorrow, I hope and pray that I do the same.  There is just no time to turn and retreat when in the midst and mess of a fierce battle.