It's been 100 days, that first day seeming so far away from the here and now. The dread I woke up with that Monday morning was enough to continue a pattern of snooze for the rest of my life. Could I do it? Would I do it? The odds were against me, only time would tell. And with today being the hundredth day, I've learned a few things along the way.
When returning from Haiti this past January, I felt so convicted. This idea of eating for pleasure, fulfilling one craving at a time, was taking ownership of my life in ways I never intended. You could see the hunger burn fierce in the eyes of those precious children, unrelenting tears of frustration just longing for food, anything, just food to eat. And no matter how much I tried to deny it or coax over it, the truth of the matter was this: My excess was someone else's need. And the thought hit me, "What if I ate for survival instead of pleasure? What if I learned to live as so many Haitians are forced to?" Then time did anything but stand still and the thought became a mere fragment of the past.
A few months later I would be at a girls retreat for work. After giving the morning devotional, a woman of God came up to me and shared this with me: "Tara, God has such incredible plans for you but if you don't get your health and weight in order then you'll miss out." That brisk, Saturday morning as the warmth of the sun's rays began to peek through clouds that hung carelessly above the earth, a tear rolled down my cheek and it was evident that God was speaking.
I could no longer deny the truth, so I prayed. And after a week of praying, all I kept hearing was "100 days of no sugar." So, here I am 100 days later. While the conviction began with my weight and health, God began to show me that the real issue was a heart matter. For far too long, sugar had become an addiction for me, an idol. And that Monday morning, I could deny it no more.
They say it takes time to unlearn habits, to learn new ways of thinking. Have I noticed changes? Of course. I'm down a short size and feel more confident, have lost 33 pounds in the last 3 months, and have learned to appreciate food in new ways. Every meal, I think of those precious children. Every time a cake showed up at the office or a coworker ran to Starbucks, I remembered the purpose of the journey. That for Tara, for me, it's never about the external but the internal. But clearly, my external has flowed from my internal...idols that have been set up over the years from bad habits, lack of discipline, and just the busyness of life.
Do I crave sugar more than I should? Probably. Have I now arrived and figured it all out? Not at all. Will I taste some real sugar in the near future? Definitely. But have I finished the course set before me? Yes. Because the goal was 100 days with no sugar. A little over 3 months later, by God's grace alone, I have finished this race. And I pray for the wisdom, the grace, and the endurance to run the next race He sets out before me...to God alone be the glory for this journey He has carried me through.
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